San Francisco: A Second Birthplace
I am one of those people who fell in love with San Francisco at first sight. The City touched my soul back then, and it has stayed with me. Since first moving here as a young man in 1989, I worked, dated, lived, and have fallen in and out of love; I have moved away from the City and returned, and, most importantly, I have formed a family with my partner and our daughter. And throughout this entire time, through successes and heartbreaks, life challenges, and rewards, I have always been thankful for having had the opportunity to live here.
When I first moved to San Francisco, it was about being able to be out, to be able to live and let others live as well, to be around other progressives who were not afraid of the world nor, more importantly, of all the people that inhabit our planet. In other words, I was around people who were so comfortable with themselves in their own skin that they were naturally comfortable with others. And even though a lot has changed since the late 80s, myself included, the City is still the same in many ways. Then, of course, people talk about gentrification and “change for the worse” and newcomers who are assaulting the soul of the City, which is tied to gentrification. However, the City is the same, for me, anyhow, in that it is still a haven for people searching for a special place to live and thrive as themselves.
San Francisco has gotten more and more expensive, but statistically speaking, the cost of living has been higher than most of the country’s rest for decades. And true, we might currently be at an all-time high concerning disparity, which makes it more difficult to be an inclusive city, but that has been a growing issue since the 70s and a topic of discussion for politicians and social activists. So how do we keep such an attractive city affordable? As many of us do, I have some ideas, but I will save those remarks for a future article. What I want to write about now is what I have always appreciated about this city of ours.
As I mentioned above, when I first moved to the City, I was a young man trying to find his “tribe” after being born and raised in Mexico and after attending college in much more conservative — at least back then — San Diego. In both locations, I never felt comfortable enough to be myself and speak honestly about being gay. But that all changed when I reached San Francisco. For the first time in my life, I remember people asking me, “Do you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?” And it was asked as simply and casually as when people in other parts of the world would say: “Do you have a girlfriend?” That simple act of providing a second option for me to my reply spoke volumes. Moreover, it gave me the chance to be completely honest with my response.
Several decades later, we live in an era where people are redefining themselves as non-binary. I noticed it first when I started sending out middle school applications for my daughter. The admissions directors’ replies come back as “he him his” or “they them their” in their signature blocks. And what I appreciate about this, and realize, is that living in a City that foments the self-confidence, self-actualization, and freedom for people to present themselves as they feel and are, as well as to expect the recognition and respect for it from their fellow peers, makes all the expense, inconveniences, and challenges of living in the City so worth it.
My partner and I are now in the “upper” middle age bracket. Therefore, we now have other interests, priorities, and goals, mostly revolve around our daughter — than what we had over the last couple of decades. However, during our entire tenure as San Francisco residents, we always felt that we needed and enjoyed what the City offers. Personally, as a young man, I felt that San Francisco was more adept for young single people. Even the statistics from 2o years ago showed more dogs in the City than children, so I felt that moving to the suburbs would be a logical next step when we had children. However, a friend of mine once told me, “you need to ask yourself what kind of people do you want your child to be around,” which is a valid and important question. Sure, the City presents some tough challenges and imperfections at times, but the benefits of living here are invaluable. For one thing, for example, our daughter is never the only child with two dads. In fact, she, nor us, are almost ever the only “anything” in San Francisco, which is proof of the City’s openness and diversity.
Now, after the election, and as we look to the future with both hope as well as apprehension regarding how such a polarized society can come together, I need to have a haven, which is what San Francisco means; a base from which I can venture out of on occasion for travel or work, but always be able to return and feel safe and welcomed. For my daughter, I think and hope that what she will get out of the experience of living in San Francisco will be a deep sense of self, of acceptance of herself and others, and of how society can be. Not perfect, but rather always thinking and evaluating and trying to be better.
A good friend once told me that San Francisco is my second birthplace, which is a definition I like and completely understand. It felt like I was born as “me,” finally, when I reached the City and moved in. And it continues to feel like home no matter what happens and throughout the various stages of my life. Therefore, I hope to make that an option for as many people as possible that need such a second birthplace. How we get, there is an overwhelming, as well as exciting, thing to ponder.
